Forty and Trying to be Fab

Since the last time I posted regularly I was faced with some trying events. Thinking about what might have been still makes me dizzy with stress. Two people I love with all my heart could have very easily been taken away from me if not for the grace of God who I now thank everyday.

Hello! not sure if anyone out there still checks to see if I'm posting. It's been so long and so much has happened in my life good and bad. Potential tragedies turned into miracles. A new job, one child in college. So hard at first. But i made it through. I used to get so much joy out of posting and I think I might be ready to start sharing again. Let me know if there is anyone out there who cares. lol

June is my birthday month. On the 29th I will be 41. I'm not telling you all this so I get alot of birthday wishes. I'm mentioning it because I noticed in my profile that I stated that I intended to improve myself physically, spiritually and emotionally during my fortieth year. I managed to accomplish all of these goals. HAHA!! Just kidding. Instead I'll give you a brief summary of how I did this year in those three categories.

 Physically: I played tennis with my daughter Abbi today and surprisingly did not collapse on the court like I thought I might. This is pretty much the extent of  what I accomplished in this category. I may want to do a little more work on this one.

     Well sorry if that was too long. Alot has happened. This week is graduation and getting ready for Hillary's party in two weeks from Saturday. We are having it at our house outside and in our garage. Yes I'm freaking out about that. So I would love if anyone has any ideas for decorations,food or anything else fun you've seen or done for a grad party. Have a great day all!!

Hello again! I know it has been a while, but I've been going through a rough patch and, like many, I am much more comfortable writing about the good times rather then the bad. I don't like for people to think I am feeling sorry for myself and for a while I was. I have written before about sometimes struggling with depression and unfortunately it reared it's ugly head again and caused me to go into hiding. Luckily though, this time I pretty much knew the root cause and was able to get myself out of the situation and am now on the road back.

Like many, I was out of work for a while and recently joined the workforce again.I was very excited and optimistic about my new job and approached it with anticipation. For a while I tried to only see the positive and tried to push some negative aspects down every time they would creep up. As I became more and more aware of the negative, I became more and more depressed. I would work and then come home and cry and just want to sleep. Luckily I recognized the depression and the black hole that I was getting lost in. I so badly wanted my first entry back into the workforce to be successful that when I realized the job was not right for me I felt like a failure. So I tried to force myself to conform and it wasn't working or healthy for me.

 I spoke to my wonderful husband and my always supportive mother and realized I wasn't giving up by doing what was best for me. I resigned on a Monday and felt like the black cloud that was looming above me began to drift away. That Thursday I was offered a job at a local hospital ,which I had been hoping for.Even though the world seemed dark to me for a while the light was still there. I just had to remember how to find it. I had forgotten to trust my own intuition and I had forgotten to place value in my own happiness, and in failing to do so I was allowing my family to suffer as well. You see, when I'm happy I'm a better mom, wife and daughter.

Hopefully I can now go back to focusing on the most important things to me, my family. I know that life is not perfect and that sometimes I will have to fight with depression, but I also know that I am strong and if I have faith in myself I will always prevail.

Some photos from National Honor Society inductions. Hillary spoke and played the piano. So proud of all of my children.

Hello all! I hope your weekend was great. Mine seems like it flew by way too fast. Abbi went to a  4-H event for the weekend and Addison shipped off to a friends house to stay up all night, playing xbox, I'm sure. We had Hillary all to ourselves with a mission to find her a Prom dress for her last dance as a high school student.(sniff,sniff).

We headed off to a store that has three floors of such dresses, getting a bit of a late start due to tennis and theater practice(Hillary's ,not mine). The store closed at six and we arrived there at 4:15.It was PACKED. Teenage girls and their parents everywhere,running into each other,carrying big puffy dresses, all with the same mission of finding their little princess her perfect dress. THIS IS NOT EASY!

Hillary fell in love with the first dress she tried on but it was too long in the torso and just did not fit her frame, which is very short ( she gets it from me. Sorry sweetie.) Every other dress she tried on just did not excite her so we left the store very dejected, and her disappointment was breaking my heart. I came up with the idea of stopping at a mall on the way home just to see if any stores there had anything. Everyone reluctantly agreed to humor me.

After arriving at the mall we walked into the first store,Hillary spotted a dress she liked,tried it on,perfect fit,dad approved, score for mom! Best part was when Hillary told me she liked it better then the dress she thought was the perfect dress at the first store. I sighed with contentment.

Hillary also told me she needed a white dress to wear under her gown for graduation, to which I told her graduation was far, far away in a land mommy didn't like to think about. Hillary said "mom two months". Then I cried. I might as well just start carrying a box of tissues with me wherever I go for a while. Off to church now! Have a great day.