Trying Again

I feel a little silly posting now after almost two years. It seems like so much has changed while other things have stayed the same. I have sent another daughter off to college and now have only one left in the nest. My son is a junior in high school so I only have a year and half left before he flies away too.
There have been some good times, I coach a high school tennis team now and love it.  There have also been some extreme struggles, which I will get into later when I am braver. Lol.
I am now 43 and I am more determined than ever to get myself into shape physically,emotionally and spiritually. Basically I want to be the happiest person I can be. I don't think that's too much to expect but I know that it will take a lot of work.  Everything seems to be a fight right now. I fight my weight,exercise,eating habits,depression and wanting so bad to be a better person.
Does anyone else out there fight these battles? I sure hope I'm not the only one and I hope there is a light st the end of the tunnel at times. I'm going to use this blog to try once again to get my life into more order and I welcome advice and thoughts for anyone else going through the same journeys good and bad.
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My Two Miracles

Since the last time I posted regularly I was faced with some trying events. Thinking about what might have been still makes me dizzy with stress. Two people I love with all my heart could have very easily been taken away from me if not for the grace of God who I now thank everyday.
The first event happened in August and involved my mom. We were set to go to a movie one day when I got a phone call from my Aunt that made my heart stop. She said that she had heard that my mom had been in a wreck about a mile from my house. I jumped in my car and made it to the scene just in time to see them bringing my mom up from the hill that my mom's car had plunged over.Saving you all of the details, my mom was life flighted to a trauma center and I was told she had a broken neck. My heart sank. But God took over.
This was my mom at Christmas. She is 99% back to the mobility she was before the accident.

The second event happened in December and involved my 16 year old daughter. She was coming home from the Dr. one morning and her car hit gravel on a turn coming down a hill. I once again got a heart stopping call this time while I was at the hospital at which I work. They told me the ambulance was bringing her in and the car had flipped over. I met her in the emergency room and was relieved to find that she had no major injuries. I didn't find out what a miracle this was until the police officer showed me a photo he took at the scene.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think that my baby was in this car but I truly believe that God was right there with her.
This was her that same evening.
And this was her this weekend shopping for her first prom. Thank you God for my two miracles.

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Where Have I Been

Hello! not sure if anyone out there still checks to see if I'm posting. It's been so long and so much has happened in my life good and bad. Potential tragedies turned into miracles. A new job, one child in college. So hard at first. But i made it through. I used to get so much joy out of posting and I think I might be ready to start sharing again. Let me know if there is anyone out there who cares. lol
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A New Goal

June is my birthday month. On the 29th I will be 41. I'm not telling you all this so I get alot of birthday wishes. I'm mentioning it because I noticed in my profile that I stated that I intended to improve myself physically, spiritually and emotionally during my fortieth year. I managed to accomplish all of these goals. HAHA!! Just kidding. Instead I'll give you a brief summary of how I did this year in those three categories.

 Physically: I played tennis with my daughter Abbi today and surprisingly did not collapse on the court like I thought I might. This is pretty much the extent of  what I accomplished in this category. I may want to do a little more work on this one.

Emotionally: This was my oldest daughter's final year of high school and I cried pretty much every other day at the thought of her getting closer to leaving me for college. My entire family thought I was on the verge of a breakdown on most days. I think my biggest accomplishment  was not tackling my daughter as she walked across the stage to get her diploma. Everyone was very proud of me. I think they secretly had bets on if I would make it through the event without embarrassing them.

Spiritually: I think I may have done the best in this category because pretty much every day I thanked god for allowing me the privilege of watching my children grow even though I thought they were growing up way too fast and could he possibly slow the whole thing down a bit. I'm still waiting on his answer.

Instead of making alot of goals for my forty first year I only have one. That is to enjoy every moment. I have realized that life goes by too quickly to spend any time not finding joy in every part of every day. So this is my goal and I intend to have a great time attempting to accomplish it:)
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Hello Again!! I've missed you.

     Hello everyone!! Sorry for the hiatus. Life has been a little crazy for me lately and I've been struggling to keep up.I'm still trying to balance going back to work full time with all of the activities of my oldest graduating. Along with all that I also have the emotional roller coaster of attending all of her final high school events. I am so proud of her yet so sad at the same time. Honestly I'm just a big mess right now.haha. But I'll get through it because I know every one of these milestones is a huge blessing:)
     I will try to give you a brief summary of some of the highlights from this past month through photos. Hope it's not too boring.

Hillary and Abbi finished out their tennis season playing at #1 and #2 singles. They both did great.

Hillary made it to states and played in the state tennis tournament.

 She made it to the semifinals and received the honor of achieving all state status for her performance.

Addison finished up his track season at the middle school and his team won BMAC. he was siked.

Hillary attended the Senior prom, her last high school dance:(

Abbi will be a junior next year so she is already asking when we can start looking for her

Hillary had her last band banquet and received band queen and the directors award.

 I made her wear the tiara. She wasn't thrilled because she's not really the tiara wearing type.

Abbi on the other hand is and actually owns several of her own.haha
     Well sorry if that was too long. Alot has happened. This week is graduation and getting ready for Hillary's party in two weeks from Saturday. We are having it at our house outside and in our garage. Yes I'm freaking out about that. So I would love if anyone has any ideas for decorations,food or anything else fun you've seen or done for a grad party. Have a great day all!!
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A Rough Patch

Hello again! I know it has been a while, but I've been going through a rough patch and, like many, I am much more comfortable writing about the good times rather then the bad. I don't like for people to think I am feeling sorry for myself and for a while I was. I have written before about sometimes struggling with depression and unfortunately it reared it's ugly head again and caused me to go into hiding. Luckily though, this time I pretty much knew the root cause and was able to get myself out of the situation and am now on the road back.

Like many, I was out of work for a while and recently joined the workforce again.I was very excited and optimistic about my new job and approached it with anticipation. For a while I tried to only see the positive and tried to push some negative aspects down every time they would creep up. As I became more and more aware of the negative, I became more and more depressed. I would work and then come home and cry and just want to sleep. Luckily I recognized the depression and the black hole that I was getting lost in. I so badly wanted my first entry back into the workforce to be successful that when I realized the job was not right for me I felt like a failure. So I tried to force myself to conform and it wasn't working or healthy for me.

 I spoke to my wonderful husband and my always supportive mother and realized I wasn't giving up by doing what was best for me. I resigned on a Monday and felt like the black cloud that was looming above me began to drift away. That Thursday I was offered a job at a local hospital ,which I had been hoping for.Even though the world seemed dark to me for a while the light was still there. I just had to remember how to find it. I had forgotten to trust my own intuition and I had forgotten to place value in my own happiness, and in failing to do so I was allowing my family to suffer as well. You see, when I'm happy I'm a better mom, wife and daughter.

Hopefully I can now go back to focusing on the most important things to me, my family. I know that life is not perfect and that sometimes I will have to fight with depression, but I also know that I am strong and if I have faith in myself I will always prevail.

Some photos from National Honor Society inductions. Hillary spoke and played the piano. So proud of all of my children.
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The Dress

Hello all! I hope your weekend was great. Mine seems like it flew by way too fast. Abbi went to a  4-H event for the weekend and Addison shipped off to a friends house to stay up all night, playing xbox, I'm sure. We had Hillary all to ourselves with a mission to find her a Prom dress for her last dance as a high school student.(sniff,sniff).

We headed off to a store that has three floors of such dresses, getting a bit of a late start due to tennis and theater practice(Hillary's ,not mine). The store closed at six and we arrived there at 4:15.It was PACKED. Teenage girls and their parents everywhere,running into each other,carrying big puffy dresses, all with the same mission of finding their little princess her perfect dress. THIS IS NOT EASY!

Hillary fell in love with the first dress she tried on but it was too long in the torso and just did not fit her frame, which is very short ( she gets it from me. Sorry sweetie.) Every other dress she tried on just did not excite her so we left the store very dejected, and her disappointment was breaking my heart. I came up with the idea of stopping at a mall on the way home just to see if any stores there had anything. Everyone reluctantly agreed to humor me.

After arriving at the mall we walked into the first store,Hillary spotted a dress she liked,tried it on,perfect fit,dad approved, score for mom! Best part was when Hillary told me she liked it better then the dress she thought was the perfect dress at the first store. I sighed with contentment.

Hillary also told me she needed a white dress to wear under her gown for graduation, to which I told her graduation was far, far away in a land mommy didn't like to think about. Hillary said "mom two months". Then I cried. I might as well just start carrying a box of tissues with me wherever I go for a while. Off to church now! Have a great day.
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